All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
