Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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