I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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