When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
