my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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