Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
