How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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