If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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