haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
