Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
