You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
