Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There's always time for handjobs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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