I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
