White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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