i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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