he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
