So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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