I am in a vortex of obligation.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
