On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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