Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
