What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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