Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
