Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
