I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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