just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
