clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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