I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
