Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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