What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
