So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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