Even the bartender felt bad for me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
