All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
