Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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