MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
