You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize