so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
