I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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