we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
