the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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