Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
