She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
