I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
