yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
