My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
