I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
