508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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