Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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