So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
