Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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