I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
