i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
