we have officially lost it.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
