Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
