...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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