Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
