Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
