sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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