Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
