did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
