Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
