you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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