Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
