so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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