I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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