rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He shit in the fireplace
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
