i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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