There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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