Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
