dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
