I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
