but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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