YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
